Alien Tax

Why do today what can be left until tomorrow?

This is the efficient and wholly positive approach I’ve been taking each day for the last four months with regard to filling my tax returns. Here in the US it is the individual’s responsibility to calculate whether the federal and state governments have overcharged or undercharged tax on your income for the year. I can hear you yawning already…. hang on! Admittedly this isn’t ideal blog fodder, I’m sure you’d much rather be looking at bizarre photos of my roommates buried under ten foot of snow, or perhaps reading about my latest belt expanding fast food discovery… but after deferring this task each and every day for four whole months (thanks to my nothing if not persistent Outlook calendar) I hope you’ll forgive the indulgence.

You see I had decided, somewhat proudly, that I would complete my own tax forms. I didn’t need to pay some tin pot company to take care of it for me. No, I would do this myself; it would be good to understand this kind of stuff for a change. Predictably it wasn’t long before I got my knickers in a twist, specifically while researching the “dual-status alien” question. Now being a “dual-status alien” may sound funky, I admit I was oddly drawn towards the martyr like term, but it’s very costly in tax terms. For the life of me I couldn’t work it out and the IRS website only served to heighten my confusion... and so with the deadline closing in fast, tail between legs I gave in and went to a tax advisor today.

The receptionist at the tax office was hilariously dour, snapped at everyone and positively revelled in converting otherwise chirpy people into frightened wrecks. Have a nice day? Not bloody likely with a manner like that. Anyway, by contrast my tax advisor was a kind gentle man in his fifties. He talked me through the tax returns carefully and even made pains to not push the “peace of mind” (i.e. twice the price) package too much. And guess what? I’m not a dual-status alien after all! Oh well, that badge eludes me, but seeing as the IRS owe me a big hefty wad of cash I’m not complaining too much. $90 later and four months of worry is over.

The moral of the story? Life may be full of wonderful interesting things, but tax returns are most certainly not one of them.